mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
