I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
