well you can't waste a boner
why do cheetos always look like penises
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
