If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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