Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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