her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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