Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
