My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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