I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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