I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
