I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
