Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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