She's the barista slut.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My legs feel like baby dolphins
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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