The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
