I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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