I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
