just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how does that bad decision feel?
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