Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
