I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
