Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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