I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
