end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
