Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
