My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
