oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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