in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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