YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
