the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
