it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
