two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
