i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
