Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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