Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
