my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
