I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So squirting runs in the family.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
