She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
