Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
