Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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