I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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