so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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