I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
