my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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