garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
