it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
