Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
