I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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