I must be too annoying 4 u.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
