69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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