he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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