this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
