This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
