I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
