I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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