in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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