Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
