You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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