ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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