i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
