The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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