Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
