we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
